What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
