i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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