I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
