Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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