What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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