Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
