we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
