Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
