I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
