my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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