man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
