OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
