it was like having sex with a tree stump
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
