i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
