That reminds me...we need to get swords
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
