My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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