I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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