I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
