so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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