Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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