Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dicks are not precious.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
