I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
