so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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