There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
