There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
