Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
