Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
