For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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