Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
