Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
