I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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