Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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