Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
