alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
