A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
