Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
