He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
