I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ttyl tear gas
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
