i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
