just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
