I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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