I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
