I just pynch a tree in the face
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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