All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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