New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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