I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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