just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
