It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
