I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
