I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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