I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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