I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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