Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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