After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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