I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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