If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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