have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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