is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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