Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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