So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
