The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
