We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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