Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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