she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
