i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
