the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My balls are so social today.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
