I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
