All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
