dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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