So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
