I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
