my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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