I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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