there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
