This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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