3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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