Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
is this the sara with the beer cane?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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