I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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