i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
