my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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