JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
