In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
