Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
