I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
