We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am spending my child support on dildos
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
