Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
