is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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